Jobs I Would Be Great At

I am always daydreaming of my perfect career. I have no idea what it is, but there are a lot of things I’ve considered doing in my lifetime. Some of these aspirations are serious, some are simple dreams. So I figured I’d go through and list some of the many jobs I feel I would be great at!

1) Ice Cream Taste Tester- growing up I spent 4 summers working at the local ice cream shop, Sweet Scoops. It was pretty much a dream come true, well despite the fact that I wish I would have got some serving experience. I made very little in tips, and pretty much hated all customers. But I got to eat all the ice cream I wanted, so really what more could you ask for?

2) Ice Cream Shop Owner-I would love owning my own ice cream parlor, getting to hire high school minions to work under me, and call me Mr. Manager. I’d also weigh about 400 pounds. But whatever, I’d be fat, happy, and have minions.

3) Baseball Wife- Baseball is by far the best of all the professional sports. I’d marry a baseball player tomorrow, I’d just have to lose about 100 pounds, get some plastic surgery, and figure out a way to meet a guy in the mlb. A girl can dream right? Most people are not familiar with the reality show Baseball Wives, but someday I will resurrect this show, and be the main bitch, stirring up all the drama.

Clearly meant to be a baseball wife….

4) Ball Mudder– this goes along with the baseball theme. In order to make baseballs less slick for the pitchers to handle, they rub mud on the balls before each game. I mean really, I know I’d be good at handling balls.

5) Jello Shot Maker- I am pretty great at making jello shots. And I am always looking for a reason to make jello shots! This weekend I am going camping/tubing (again), and of course I am making the shots!

jelloAnd if you think this list is fabricated, you’re wrong. I’ve actually considered doing every single thing on this list. Jello shot maker is probably most realistic, if only I could figure out a way for my friends to pay me per shot!


(Almost) Everyone Poops

I haven’t felt like myself in a very long time. This isn’t to say that I feel bad, or unhappy or anything like that. I just don’t feel like myself. And with that, I haven’t felt like blogging. I like to think of myself as healthy, even though sometimes my appearance might not represent society’s picture of health. But overall I live my life in a healthy manner. I eat nutrient dense foods, I work out 4-5 times a week, and I chug water like nobody’s business. Yet I feel there is something wrong with my body.

This is the water bottle I use at work.

I am going to preface this by saying that I know losing weight is realllllly fucking hard, I am not trying to whine about being fat. But in the last year and a half I have slowly starting gaining weight back. And I have been fighting like hell to stay below 200 pounds. I attributed a lot of this to stress, and high cortisol levels. I went through two very stressful jobs last year, one even caused me to throw up from experiencing too much anxiety. However I was completely discounting one major component, and that’s constipation.

I have been constipated most of my life, but I think I was too embarrassed to talk about it so I never actually knew how severe it was. Well I am no longer embarrassed, in fact I think it’s an issue that often gets overlooked. Many American’s experience constipation as a result of diet, which is exactly where I started when trying to fix the problem. For the last 3ish years I have tried every single remedy for constipation. Every.Single.One. Here is a lovely little list, just in case you don’t believe me:

  • Probiotic supplement
  • Upping my intake of healthy fats
  • Giving up soy
  • Magnesium
  • Prunes/Dates
  • Stool softners
  • Exercise (duh)
  • Starting the day with lemon water
  • Drinking apple cider vinegar
  • Coffee
  • Aloe water
  • Trying to go when I feel the urge
  • Trying to poop at the same time everyday
  • Chugging water in the morning
  • Dandelion tea
  • Flaxseeds
  • Consuming healthy gut foods/bacteria
  • Psyllium husk
  • Eating popcorn
  • Not consuming a lot of cheese

And the obvious:

  • I don’t consume a lot of processed foods/sugar, so that really wasn’t something I had to change.
  • Fiber, fiber, fiber. High fiber diet, then lowering fiber but not below 25 grams. Fiber from fruits, and vegetables. Fiber from grains, nuts, and beans. Fiber from supplements. Fiber. I eat a fiber filled diet. I meticulously count my fiber every single day. Fiber is not the problem.
  • Drinking more water than humanly possible.


I have tried it all. I am sure I am even forgetting things. I have gone to several doctors for this. And every single time I have heard the same thing: you just have to drink more water, and eat fiber. If I have to hear that advice one more time, I might pull out all of my hair. I am not an idiot. I am health conscious. I am a vegetarian, my diet consists greatly of fruits and vegetables.

So finally someone told me that I am probably experiencing trouble with my thyroid. Which made total sense to me. When researching (googling) hypothyroidism, I felt I could check off every symptom on the list. Weight gain, tiredness, constipation, sensitive to cold. So I finally went in, and right away my doctor said “it sounds like a thyroid problem.” I was so relieved. I have felt like I have had internal problems for years, and years. I felt like this could finally answer all my questions.

I got my blood drawn, annnnddddd of course my thyroid is fine. Or by medical definition it’s fine. As long as the thyroid is between a 0.3-5.0, levels are considered fine. But I have read (googled) that anything above a 1.9 is out of whack, and mine is a 2.2. Still, that’s not thaaatt far off. So then what the heck is wrong with me? In my opinion, chronic constipation is a sign that something is wrong. The body is not doing what it’s suppose to. If I wasn’t peeing, that would be a problem. So I don’t know why I am not being taken seriously.

And by experiencing constipation, statistically it’s causing me to gain up to 20 extra pounds a year. Not to mention that my body is probably filled with toxins because I have stool just hanging out in my body, not going anywhere. My doctor’s only other idea was that I have an extended colon, which means my colon is longer than it should be, and there is no cure for this. Laxatives. But I have been avoiding taking laxatives because I believe they can be so harsh on the body. Plus I was hoping to find the solution through food.

Wellll I am giving in. I am buying laxatives. Or rather a natural laxative supplement (something stronger than magnesium). I am sick of feeling like this. I am sick of feeling full and bloated. This morning I almost threw up because I felt so blocked up. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I go about 3 times a week. Some people go 3 times a day. No please, doctor, tell me again that I just need fiber and water.

So now that I have written the most unflattering post on the internet, I am going to go bust open my bottle of senna that I got from Whole Foods last night and hope that I will have a bowel movement by Sunday. But if I drink Saturday, which is very likely, I will for sure be able to poop by Sunday. The only cure to constipation that I have found is binge drinking, so really I think this means that I should be drinking everyday. Never mind the fact that the only reason drinking causes bowel movements is because alcohol is like poison to the body, and it’s trying to escape the system in any way possible.

Also, I should probably hide this post from any future boyfriend. After reading this, there are no secrets left. Plus talking about poop is oh, so sexy! Come and get me boys!

Five on Friday

5 on…Thursday 6/18/14

Today is my Friday, so I bring you Five on Thursday! I have a girlfriend in town today, and we are going camping and tubing this weekend! Drinking beer in the river, while sitting in a camp chair is quite possibly my favorite pass time!

[one]  No Labels, No Drama, Right? — I agreed with every single word written. Dating nowadays is out of control. I mean, I perpetuate the problem; I swipe right, I try to play the game, I act like someone I’m not, I avoid talking about my real feelings, etc. But seriously, I would kill to go back to the dating days before cell phones, and social media. Here is my land line number, leave me a message on my answering machine. And people my age are lying if they say they don’t have a Jeremy.

[two] Why I’m Setting Myself Back In My Career In Favor Of A Happier Life

[three] A Look at Life Inside a 1969 Hippie Tree House Village in Hawaii


Fattitude Trailer 2015 from Fattitude the Movie on Vimeo.

[five] This Man Tearfully Recorded Himself After A Panic Attack To Spread Awareness –Breaks me heart. Mental illness is so, so real and needs to be recognized.


There Are Two Kinds of People

There are two kinds of people in this world:

Those who let you merge in front of them when you’re entering the freeway, or those who are grumpy assholes who apparently never need the good karma of a car letting them in.

Those who believe in using a GPS to quickly get to an unknown destination, or those who believe in winging it, and spending a frustrating amount of time lost or backtracking. I’m looking at you, Mother.

Those who send out individual snap chats to recipients, and separate my stories, or those who make you see their snap 2 times. Sorry if this reference is lost on you non-snap chatters.

Those who believe the government is out to get us, control us, or lie to us, and those who don’t give an eff if the government is out to get us. What are you going to do even if they are lying to us? #yolo

Those who use a blinker to change lanes, and those who think getting into an accident is a fun past time.

Those who like showering in the morning, and those who prefer that few extra minutes of sleep.

Those who find my irrational, over thinking behavior charming, and those who need to spend more time around me to understand…. I’m an acquired taste! 😉

Those who don’t look at how much is taken out for taxes each pay check, and those who make dream vacations with the money they wish they could have back each month.

So tell me, tell me what kinds of people do you encounter in this world!

Five on Friday

5 on Friday 6/3/15

It has been a hot second since I have done a 5 on Friday. And I’ve reallllllly missed it! I miss connecting with others!

[one] I have to go bra shopping today after work, this might be one of my least favorite things to do, ever. Having big boobs is stupid.


[two] I am going to a Twins baseball game tomorrow with a friend and his parents. I am just so excited to see them. Isn’t that the true sign of adulthood, when you are excited to see someones parents? I’ve shared this photo before, but I’m finally going to experience the ultimate touristy-gimmicky-not worth $20 bloody mary! And I am pretty excited!


[three] I saw the Entourage movie last night. Yum! Even if you did not watch the series, it is worth seeing simply because of the attractive men in the film. Jeremy Piven is the ultimate babe. Seriously. He’s the one in the glasses.



[five] Woman Performing ‘Lose Yourself’ In Self Language Gets Us Super Pumped — So, so cool!

Have a great weekend folks!


Finding Success

Last weekend I went to my sister’s high school graduation. I would be lying if I told you it was a fun filled event. I don’t think anyone, even the graduates themselves would say it was enjoyable. The ceremony took place in a crowded gym, with screaming kids, and student/teachers giving mediocre speeches about how to best navigate through life now that high school has ended. Cue the “we are the future – this is not an end but a beginning – we did it!” speeches.

kenzEven with all the cliches, is it bad that I found the students to be more inspiring than the teacher? The teacher made a speech about starting over, making the choice right now about the person you want to be as you move forward. She asked them all to decide how they wanted to portray themselves for future encounters. They better figure out the legacy they wanted to have on the world…. Talk about putting unneeded stress and pressure onto 18 year old kids.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t inspire our youth, get them to think about their future plans. But I think it’s completely asinine that we expect 18 year old graduates to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives. I mean the long standing joke between my parents is that they still don’t know what they want to be when they grow up.

I was a mess at 18, even more so at 22 when I graduated college, and  I am still mess at 25. I’ve embraced it. I wish I could tell every single high school graduate to go easy on themselves. Shoot, I wish I could tell every single person struggling to find their career the same thing. Those young people who find their calling in life are the lucky ones. But this is not to say that those of us who work for a paycheck are unlucky. This doesn’t mean we haven’t left a legacy, or made the world better. This doesn’t mean we lack passion, ambition, or creativity. It just means we haven’t found the fire yet.

I just finished rereading This Is How by Augusten Burroughs. It is a phenomenoal book, I highly recommend it. There is a chapter when he talks about chasing dreams, and he talks about Grandma Moses. Grandma Moses didn’t start her painting career until she was in her late 70s, eventually having her art exhibitions break attendance records.

Success can come at any age, and is defined however you want. Your career can happen at any time, and can change at any time. For so long I felt lost and vulnerable because I didn’t have a career. I’m still lost, I’m still working for a paycheck, and I still feel a mess. But that’s okay, life is more fun when you’re not put together. Plus most of the things in life that I am good at are outside of the work world. I mean, I am pretty good at throwing back shots without a chaser. I am also great at bitching about the weather, overdressing for a situation, and making jello shots. If only my high school guidance counselor could see me now.

And this would be the part where I could post inspirational quotes about learning to dance in the storm, taking the road least traveled, or following your dreams. However that is not the kind of blog I write, soooooo instead you get a picture of me drinking at a baseball game, which is something I’m also pretty good at. And also something I happen to be doing this Saturday afternoon.



Out Sick.

Memorial Weekend was so great. I got to see some friends, I got to see some family, and I got to relax. There were some car accidents involved (not me), but everyone is fine, and healthy! I had one of those weekends where I became hyper aware of how lucky I am to have the people in my life that I have.

The only downfall to the weekend is that by Monday night I was getting a sore throat. This isn’t uncommon for me, anytime my body is trying to ward off anything, my tonsils always get enlarged. In fact I have one tonsil that stays enlarged even when I am not sick. but doctors have told me not to be alarmed. The minute I started feeling that sore throat I pulled out all my cold remedies in hopes of stopping it from getting worse. Well it got worse, and worse. I went to work Tuesday and the whole day it felt like my throat was closing up, my tonsils were so swollen I could barely breath and talk properly. On top of it I had no appetite and I was dizzy.

Even though I was feeling really rough, I didn’t think it was strep throat. I didn’t have a fever, and there were no white spots. However my coworker is pregnant, so I figured I better go get tested just to be sure. I stopped at the Target Quick Clinic, which I didn’t realize is only in a few states. I feel super lucky to have access to them here. I was in and out within a half hour, and had my prescription fifteen minutes after that. And of course I had strep throat, with fluid build up in my ears. So I walked out penicillin and Flonase.

I am not thrilled with the idea of taking an antibiotic, but I felt significantly better within taking my second dose. So despite the fact that antibiotics can make you constipated, give you a yeast infection, cause dizziness, and ruin your overall GI tract, I am in love. I was in so much pain, but now I am almost feeling back to normal. I am taking a probiotic, and drinking lots of kombucha and kefir in hopes to help my body heal properly.

So now some fun (I use this term lightly) facts about strep throat that I learned:

1) If you get the throat swab test too early it can come back negative. The doc told me that if I had come in any sooner it likely would have come back as negative. I am sure this has happened to me before, because there have been numerous times I swear I have had strep and it came back negative.

2) Some people are more prone to strep than others. I am one of those lucky people who easily contract it. I have been around my roommate for the last week, in close quarters, sharing drinks and food, and I caught it, and she did not.

3) You don’t always have to have a fever for it to be strep. The doctor was convinced it wasn’t strep because I had no fever. Well surprise, surprise I am not the typical patient.

So what is your go to sickness? Congestion? Cough?

Five on Friday

Friday Favorites 5/22/15

Long Memorial weekend ahead of us! I cannot wait. I am going to my hometown (which I don’t love) to see a bunch of my lady pals from high school (which I do love)! It should be a crazy, exhausting, but fun weekend.

Lilac season is long gone here in Minnesota. But I enjoy every single say they are in bloom. This is from a few weeks back.


Song that is stuck in my head:

Read Me:

An Open Letter To The Friends That Walked Out Of My Life

What You Don’t See When You Look at the Fat Girl in a Bathing Suit — In love.

Clearly Canadian is Back in Production, Set to Arrive by August!!!!– I lovedddd this stuff.

This Woman Started 100 Days W/O Fear Challenge To Make Sure She Was Not Missing Out On Life — Ummm can I do this?? I let fear hold me back so much. Mostly fear of what others think of me

Alright party people, that’s it for now. Any great plans for the weekend?



“You’ve always had a pretty face.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that phrase after losing some weight. “You always did have a nice face but you look great now!”

Why do people think that’s an acceptable thing to say? And for that matter what does that even mean? Even though I have always had a pretty face does that mean I wasn’t always pretty?

The way our society defines beauty doesn’t leave much to be desired. If a girl is thin we accuse her of having an eating disorder. If she is curvy we tell her that she needs to get into the gym as soon as possible. And god forbid if she is obese we feign concern about her health. Then when a woman has a body that society has deemed to be acceptable, something else about her appearance gets ripped apart. If only she would do something about that nose, then she would be beautiful.

I don’t know when or how it happened but the beauty standards that have been imposed on women are completely repugnant. Why, oh why do we tear each other down? Finding self-acceptance is hard enough without the hate and judgement of others. I am my own worse critic, I don’t need an outside audience to also tear me down.

I’ve never been too interested in celebrity gossip. I find those shows on E! to be a little bit harsh and hateful. I don’t really care who is dating who, who is getting a DUI, or who is having a breakdown. I am in utter shock every single day at how our society feels it is okay to impose our views and opinions onto others. Celebrities chose to have a career where they are in the public eye, yeah, yeah, I know. But do we really need to be so effing harsh? Good god, I just don’t understand what is happening to our society. Hateful, anonymous commenting has gotten out of control.

Where does all this hate come from? I can only assume people’s own insecurities, but really that’s only a guess. I just don’t get why tearing down other people helps to accomplish anything. However, I can rant all day long about this, but I’ve totally been guilty. Not of anonymous commenting, or even viciously attacking someone’s appearance. I am guilty of comparing myself to others. When I was really big I would look at girls who were bigger and think “well at least I would never let it get that bad.” One of the worst things we can do in our society is compare ourselves to others. Whether it’s comparing bodies, or beauty, or accomplishments. We need to stop.

My biggest goal in life is to find self-acceptance. I have worked so hard at the gym. I have restricted foods. I have tried every supplement known to aid in weight loss. So for right now I think I need to find self-acceptance with the way I look. This is no easy task. Especially with the views of outsiders always in my ear.

I was recently talking to someone about finding self acceptance. I had explained that I work really hard every single day, but that my weight is just not budging. I relayed that I am tired of being defined by the scale, and I just needed to accept myself for where I am currently at. Be proud of how far I have come, and how hard I work. The response I got from this person made me feel so hopeless. They said “so it sounds like you’re just kind of giving up. Maybe you just haven’t worked hard enough. Have you tried running? Or boxing?”

I had to bite my tongue so hard that I think I could taste blood. But then again I don’t know why I was surprised. This person probably didn’t think twice about the comment. Maybe it wasn’t even meant to be malicious, or over imposing. But I went home feeling defeated, and distressed. Was I giving up? Have I given it my all? Maybe I should try running again. Maybe I should restrict my calories even more. Then I was struck with complete anger, because yet again I let an outside source guide my thinking, and actions.

I know my body, my efforts, and my limits better than anyone else. I work hard, and most days I am proud of myself. I need that pride to extend into every other part of my life. It’s up to me, and me alone to find the self-acceptance that I need to live a balanced life. I need to stop listening to others. Listening to the media, to society, even to my own friends and family.

I was recently talking to a holistic health expert. And she explained the negative effects that stress can have on our bodies, health, and weight. She said what I was doing to myself was crazy. The way I was obsessing about being fat was probably half my problem. Her advice was to find myself. To let go of my daily stress regarding body image. That I needed to find what makes me happy in life. What makes me feel grounded. I went through a period of high stress last year, and I have a feeling my body hasn’t fully recovered.

My point with all of this is that we need to stop fat shaming. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others. And stop being so critical of one another. We just need to stop. Everyone is living their own lives in a manner that they want.

All any of us should want in life is happiness. To go to bed feeling proud. And to wake up ready to make the next day even better than the last. I believe treating myself and others with kindness and compassion is the start to finding acceptance.

So for right now I am going to focus on eating foods that nourish my body, foods that keep me healthy, and happy. I am going to be active in a way that I enjoy. Lifting weights, swimming, riding bike, whatever grabs my fancy each day. And I am going to work at making myself proud each and everyday!


Five on Friday

Friday Favorites 5/8/15

This has been such a hectic week. Working overtime, in customer service can sure burn a girl out. Plus there have been some family illness, which just has me ready for the weekend. I hope everyone has a great weekend!

This could not be anymore true for my life. Read the interview here.

mindyInteresting stuff:

The Age of Love

Why I Gave Up a $95,000 Job to Move to an Island and Scoop Ice Cream

23 Reminders Of What The World Was Like When The Class Of 2015 Was Born — My sister graduates this year, this article made me feel so aged!