I haven’t blogged in quite some time. Which is sadly very common for me over the last few years. Life gets in the way, and I hate being on my computer once I am at home. Also, I get frustrated with technology. Why don’t my comments link to my email? Why can’t I figure out my wordpress ID so that I can comment on other blogs? It’s a big ole struggle, and I just gave up for awhile. But at the end of the day, this blog has always been for me, and maybe my mom and a few friends that read. So what does life look like for me right now ?
My existence can currently be summed up with the following words: stress, excitement, anxiety, messy, drunk. Let’s be real, my life can always be summed up like that. For the last few months I have been experiencing a great deal of stress with my job. I work for a college, school started which meant 6ish weeks of preparation, and customer service hell. In addition, the light of my work life, and real life (read: coworker) went out on maternity leave. The stress resulted in a complete and utter breakdown on my part. I sobbed at my desk, in front of my boss. And I could.not.stop.crying.
You would think that the next part of my story would be a natural progression, but it’s not. I recently took a new job. Not because I don’t like my current position, I actually like my current job, but because it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. I was not expecting to get this position. I have a history of job rejection, so despite telling myself that ‘I am enough’, I just did not expect this outcome. I am not coping well with the idea of change, and it’s all happening so quickly, I need a little more time to adjust. I expected to be in my current position a little longer. I don’t want to start over, again. What if the new job is not at all what I need it to be. Fun fact: I’ve had some not so great jobs (read: out-fucking-rageous jobs), that I thought were going to be great jobs, so to say that I am a little worried is the understatement of the year.
So how am I coping with all of this? Drinking. I am drinking. Not everyday, but this past Saturday I went to an Oktoberfest and it was great to think about something other than this life altering decision.
Other than being an over analyzing, anxious, stressed mess with my emotions, I am very excited. I feel so fortunate for the opportunity, and I really think it’s going to be a good fit for me. So that’s where I am at with life. Still unsure, still working for a paycheck, and still a mess. And still trying to love every second of this stupid, crazy, beautiful, terrible life of mine.
Thanks to every single friend, stranger, and co worker who has listened to my rants lately. I really appreciate the support, and well wishes!