(Almost) Everyone Poops

I haven’t felt like myself in a very long time. This isn’t to say that I feel bad, or unhappy or anything like that. I just don’t feel like myself. And with that, I haven’t felt like blogging. I like to think of myself as healthy, even though sometimes my appearance might not represent society’s picture of health. But overall I live my life in a healthy manner. I eat nutrient dense foods, I work out 4-5 times a week, and I chug water like nobody’s business. Yet I feel there is something wrong with my body.

This is the water bottle I use at work.

I am going to preface this by saying that I know losing weight is realllllly fucking hard, I am not trying to whine about being fat. But in the last year and a half I have slowly starting gaining weight back. And I have been fighting like hell to stay below 200 pounds. I attributed a lot of this to stress, and high cortisol levels. I went through two very stressful jobs last year, one even caused me to throw up from experiencing too much anxiety. However I was completely discounting one major component, and that’s constipation.

I have been constipated most of my life, but I think I was too embarrassed to talk about it so I never actually knew how severe it was. Well I am no longer embarrassed, in fact I think it’s an issue that often gets overlooked. Many American’s experience constipation as a result of diet, which is exactly where I started when trying to fix the problem. For the last 3ish years I have tried every single remedy for constipation. Every.Single.One. Here is a lovely little list, just in case you don’t believe me:

  • Probiotic supplement
  • Upping my intake of healthy fats
  • Giving up soy
  • Magnesium
  • Prunes/Dates
  • Stool softners
  • Exercise (duh)
  • Starting the day with lemon water
  • Drinking apple cider vinegar
  • Coffee
  • Aloe water
  • Trying to go when I feel the urge
  • Trying to poop at the same time everyday
  • Chugging water in the morning
  • Dandelion tea
  • Flaxseeds
  • Consuming healthy gut foods/bacteria
  • Psyllium husk
  • Eating popcorn
  • Not consuming a lot of cheese

And the obvious:

  • I don’t consume a lot of processed foods/sugar, so that really wasn’t something I had to change.
  • Fiber, fiber, fiber. High fiber diet, then lowering fiber but not below 25 grams. Fiber from fruits, and vegetables. Fiber from grains, nuts, and beans. Fiber from supplements. Fiber. I eat a fiber filled diet. I meticulously count my fiber every single day. Fiber is not the problem.
  • Drinking more water than humanly possible.


I have tried it all. I am sure I am even forgetting things. I have gone to several doctors for this. And every single time I have heard the same thing: you just have to drink more water, and eat fiber. If I have to hear that advice one more time, I might pull out all of my hair. I am not an idiot. I am health conscious. I am a vegetarian, my diet consists greatly of fruits and vegetables.

So finally someone told me that I am probably experiencing trouble with my thyroid. Which made total sense to me. When researching (googling) hypothyroidism, I felt I could check off every symptom on the list. Weight gain, tiredness, constipation, sensitive to cold. So I finally went in, and right away my doctor said “it sounds like a thyroid problem.” I was so relieved. I have felt like I have had internal problems for years, and years. I felt like this could finally answer all my questions.

I got my blood drawn, annnnddddd of course my thyroid is fine. Or by medical definition it’s fine. As long as the thyroid is between a 0.3-5.0, levels are considered fine. But I have read (googled) that anything above a 1.9 is out of whack, and mine is a 2.2. Still, that’s not thaaatt far off. So then what the heck is wrong with me? In my opinion, chronic constipation is a sign that something is wrong. The body is not doing what it’s suppose to. If I wasn’t peeing, that would be a problem. So I don’t know why I am not being taken seriously.

And by experiencing constipation, statistically it’s causing me to gain up to 20 extra pounds a year. Not to mention that my body is probably filled with toxins because I have stool just hanging out in my body, not going anywhere. My doctor’s only other idea was that I have an extended colon, which means my colon is longer than it should be, and there is no cure for this. Laxatives. But I have been avoiding taking laxatives because I believe they can be so harsh on the body. Plus I was hoping to find the solution through food.

Wellll I am giving in. I am buying laxatives. Or rather a natural laxative supplement (something stronger than magnesium). I am sick of feeling like this. I am sick of feeling full and bloated. This morning I almost threw up because I felt so blocked up. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I go about 3 times a week. Some people go 3 times a day. No please, doctor, tell me again that I just need fiber and water.

So now that I have written the most unflattering post on the internet, I am going to go bust open my bottle of senna that I got from Whole Foods last night and hope that I will have a bowel movement by Sunday. But if I drink Saturday, which is very likely, I will for sure be able to poop by Sunday. The only cure to constipation that I have found is binge drinking, so really I think this means that I should be drinking everyday. Never mind the fact that the only reason drinking causes bowel movements is because alcohol is like poison to the body, and it’s trying to escape the system in any way possible.

Also, I should probably hide this post from any future boyfriend. After reading this, there are no secrets left. Plus talking about poop is oh, so sexy! Come and get me boys!

One Comments

  • Erin

    November 13, 2015

    This is kind a weird first post to comment on, but since I went through something similar a while ago I totally know the frustration you’re going through. The number one thing that helped me was eating the same thing every day at the same time.

    I have oatmeal and coffee for breakfast every morning, and a salad with chicken every afternoon for lunch. My dinners vary, but I swear it’s the consistency of my breakfast and lunch that got everything into working order.

    It does get boring sometimes but I can usually switch to something different if I just keep that consistent for a while, too. My weekends will usually be a little different as well, but I feel like the consistency though the week can get me through the weekend without and serious issues. And I’d much rather be bored with my food than feel miserable from being back up all the time.

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